1370 Troops
142 Trailblazers
AnnaLund2011

AnnaLund2011

I am vociferously passionate about good books. And I hate adverbs.

ARC Review - Inseparable, by Chris Scully

Inseparable - Chris Scully

 

Cute little story of amnesia and coming out. (Yeah, never thought I'd ever put "amnesia" and "Cute" in the same sentence).

 

It is in first person present, first argggh of this review. Why oh why? *sigh*

 

And by god, can somebody please give the author the message that using the word "said/says" is fine? There was, and I list: (s'gonna be a long ass list, so I'm doing a spoiler here...

 

I croak

whispers a man's hoarse voice

I gasp

he mutters

I rasp

I whisper

he proclaims

he starts

I observe

Joe explains

she scolds

she orders

I comment

I retort

he finishes

I whimper

he jokes

he teases

I mumble

I whisper

Joe snorts

I order

Joe teases

I say (hallelujah!!!)

I murmur

she squeals

she protests

Joe retorts

Maria barks

Joe warns

she exclaims

I observe

Joe snaps

Maria interjects

Joe finally murmurs

he adds

I blurt out

I confess

Maria squeals

I sigh

Joe groans

I order

he confesses

I quip

(show spoiler)

 

 

And every single time, it should have been expressed with a simple "he says" a "she says" or an "I say."

I can easily say that at the end all I saw was the way the action was TELLING me how they did things—when all I wanted was for the action to SHOW me how it had been said, in what voice, in what state of mind. 

 

Add to that a couple of dashes of twilightism (or three)

1. ("...two things are increasingly clear: the first, I'm obviously feeling better; the second, I'm pretty sure Joe and I share exactly the same taste...") and a brilliant

2. "I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. (how does that work, really?) then on to the final

3. "brown velvet depths". (We are talking about eyes, people. That? Is simply scary).

 

Last, but not least, there is the blatant misuse of the verb lay when lie should have been put firmly in its place. ("I will lay down." - Who is Down and where can I lay him? Object, people, there needs to be an object).

 

All in all, it was a cute story, and the boys fell in love, and kissed and all, so that was fine. But hell, where WAS the editor???

 

 

Source: http://AnnaLund2011.booklikes.com/post/699698/arc-review-inseparable-by-chris-scully